Winter Weather

My journey with cancer started when I was a young wife of 3 years and mother with a beautiful 1 year old little girl. Having had no cancer in my family that I knew of at that point, the “c” word was a very scary word. It was something that I hadn’t ever even imagined having but quickly found myself and my little family lives changing in many ways. Those ways included many physical, emotional, mental, financial trials as well as blessings in each of those areas.
I remember sitting in the doctors office, after being diagnosed with colon cancer, realizing that I had to make a decision. Was I going to fight or give in to this “C” beast. I knew in my heart that fighting was the only way, but I didn’t realize at the time just how much of or long of a fight it was going to be.

I fought through a whole year of chemo with the constant help from my husband, family, and many friends as well as my little girl who needed a mom. What was I supposed to learn from this trial? I learned that I didn’t need to have long thick hair or eyelashes to be able to read her a story and that we could snuggle and have naps together on those days that I was so sick after a chemo treatment. A year went by and I thought I was done, only to find out that after that 1st diagnosis and a 52 chemo treatments, the “C” word was back. Well that started the next several years of fighting. I fought through many more treatments, being so sick and worn down but not willing to give up the fight for myself and my family. I learned that having a pity party for myself didn’t make anything any better than having a positive attitude, in fact it made things worse. I found things to be thankful for and after many long months, I was finally cancer free and so proud of having won the battle. Again, little did I know what was in store.

Growing up in a big family, I had always dreamed of a family of my own and I found myself sitting in the doctors office being told that I would not be able to have any more children. At first I was devastated and felt defeated but I remembered that I had won a hard battle before and I wasn’t going to give up on this dream already. So again we fought. We fought through several years of adoption agencies, fought for 15 different kids who were in the foster system who we loved as our own for no matter how long they were in our home. After several years of fighting and loving those kids, we were blessed to add 4 more handsome little boys to our family. My dreams were coming true and life was good.

Then 20 years after my last chemo treatment, I found myself back in the doctors office after having a few symptoms and the cancer was back. Same kind, same place. Call me stubborn or whatever you want but my attitude wasn’t going to change. I still didn’t have the answer as to why me, but it didn’t matter. I focused on the how. How was I going to win this next fight? Because that was what I was going to do! After a 17 ½ hour surgery during which they found that I also had uterine cancer, 6 more months of hard chemo treatments I had won yet another fight. A year later, a small surgery was needed to remove a cancer diagnosis #5 from a lymph node. I had decided throughout all these years of fighting that I was going to look for the positive in whatever happened and so no chemo that time was definitely a win!

At that point, I had learned so much through all my experiences, I was sure that I was done with the “c” word and had learned all I could. But not yet. As of today, I am still fighting. “You have cancer” came again 6 months ago. This time has been different. I have continued to fight physically but the emotional and mental fight has been so much harder. I have had many experiences that have helped me understand what others struggle with on a daily basis when mental issues are involved. I have learned empathy and love for everyone. I have continued to learn the importance of looking for the positive, as little or as big, as those could be. I have continued to have the support of a loving family, many friends and community members. I am going to continue to fight because I have so much to live for.

Through all these fights, I was never alone. I was blessed to be part of an amazing family who I love. They definitely fought with me. I was blessed to live in several communities who loved and supported me in so many ways. I was blessed to have learned many lessons along the way, one of which is the importance of service. I have been the recipient of so much service and I am so thankful. I can’t wait until the day that I can feel good enough to repay and even pay forward all of those acts of service given to me and help others in need. That is my next dream and I am going to fight until it happens! In the meantime, my son who is serving an LDS mission in Pittsburg Pennsylvania is helping me by his example of serving others. I am so blessed to live in such a loving and wonderful community who take care of each other and have helped me learn yet another lesson throughout out all my trials.